Beautiful insight to this verse… (Must read)

This ayah is always found on wedding invitations:💖

‘And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them, and He has put between you love and mercy. Indeed, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.’

Three words stand out in this ayah:

‘that you may find TRANQUILLITY [taskunoo] in them.’

The word in Arabic for tranquillity is sakoon. Anyone who has been in love has felt this strongly when they are with their loved one.
This is one of the strongest feelings that a person will feel when they are with their loved one.

This feeling of joy, contentment and tranquility makes the person have extreme love for that person.

So Allah (swt) after explaining the first attribute of tranquility then describes the next stage;

“..and he has put between you LOVE (mawaddah)..”

Mawaddah is love with a passion, an extreme liking to something. So the one who loves firstly feels at ease [feels calmness] with the person and secondly has an extreme passionate liking to them.

This passionate love/mawaddah stage however only lasts for a short time. As the couple continue living together, the passion gradually lessens. Both partners gradually mature and the dreams diminish.

The ‘honeymoon’ is over and life’s problems take over. They say love is blind so whilst before they were both blinded by passion, thinking that the other was their perfect match, now they start to see each others mistakes and errors.

So Allah tells us;

‘and He has put between you affection and MERCY (rahmah)..’
So now that the passions are quieter, and the calmness isn’t always there in the relationship (arguments do happen in marriage) – Allah tells us that He has placed between them mercy.

So even though they might argue with each other, they have mercy and forgive each other.

This mercy keeps the relationship going, because deep down inside each still cares that the other doesn’t get hurt.

‘..Indeed, in that are signs for people who reflect.’

Understanding this ayah is important.

First, understanding that choosing a suitable spouse is a serious matter. Love is an intense and dazzling emotion that can make wrong seem right and right seem wrong. Clear thought should come before emotion and the opinion of close family and friends should be sought to gain the best insight into suitability.

If love was all it took then why do most marriages built on pre-marital relationships not last? That is such a deception! Indeed marriage is now often ridiculed as the thought of having a life long meaningful relationship is considered unachievable.

Second, it takes far more than love for a marriage to succeed. It takes hard work and effort. Mercy, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, tolerance, patience… all of these need to be thought about and built continuously.

Many of us spend years training to become doctors and lawyers and accountants. We study books on the subject and sit exams. But how seriously do we think about marriage? Before marriage how many of us think about the rights and responsibilities of marriage? How will I fulfil these rights and responsibilities? Is this person I am going to marry best for me in this dunya but more importantly for my akhirah? Is this person I am going to marry going to be good for my children?

Thoughts on marriage for many people has been reduced sadly to just the wedding party, the photo opportunities, the reception and dinner. People aren’t even aware of what Islam requires of these events.

The Prophet (sallAllahu aliyhi wasallam) said, “The most blessed nikah is the one with the least expenses.” Simplicity and sincerity is what the marriage ceremony is about and not ostentation and pretence.

So let’s not miss the simple things- a time to get together with family and friends and make sincere du’a for enduring sakinah, muwaddah and rahmah.

A reminder for myself first and foremost.